Pseudo Lover

“Good morning. How are you?” I asked Jane as I walked into the church foyer.

“Terrible!” she answered.

I was five steps further along when it registered that she hadn’t given me the expected answer. Now I had a choice to make. Would I turn around and care (and interrupt my busy morning for what could be a 15 minute recitation of the current problems)? Or would I go on with business as usual? Would I love or just pseudo love?

How often our cliché greetings are pseudo love. They are ways that we appear to express polite concern without inviting real heart interaction. The normal answer to “How are you?” is “fine!” We have recognized their existence, but not advanced very far into love. We’ve gone far enough to show we care without investing too much to alter our agenda.

Perhaps it helps us to be on the receiving end. “Hey, Buddy,” my fellow worker would say. There was affection in that “Buddy” until I realized that it was a substitute for my name, which he didn’t remember even though he had worked with me for months. It felt like pseudo love. His “how are you? How’s the family?” seemed like real love, until in my mid-update of a huge stress in my life, he turned and began talking to someone else. That’s when I recognized pseudo love in action…because I was looking in a mirror and seeing myself!

How easily I can act interested in a person to show them I care, and in mid-story get distracted by something or someone else. How easily I can ask questions, even make listening noises, while all the time wanting to get on with my agenda, anxious that my nonverbals belie my listening attitude and reveal that I’m really a pseudo-lover! I’d rarely be so crass or as obvious as my friend. I’d rarely “Hey Buddy” someone and then drop them for a more interesting person. But, too often my eyes flit to the football game on TV, to the headline on the newspaper, and tell my wife that I’m really just a pseudo-lover.

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth.” I John 3:18.

So, I position myself to be a lover. I turn my back to the TV, put down the newspaper, turn away from the computer monitor, and give full attention to the speaker. I turn my back on the lobby and focus my attention on the speaker, recognizing that God brought them into my day so I could be Jesus to them and listen to Jesus in them. I open myself to His Spirit to transform me from a pseudo lover into a genuine lover. And, sometimes I make it. Other times I’m just a……pseudo lover!