Snowball

Snowball was my pet goat. She was white, perhaps even an albino with pink eyes, or maybe that was just what a goat was. Snowball is difficult to remember, but never forgotten. Snowball entered my life in the summer of my 10th or 11th year. She was my pet, not a family pet. And I took care of her. Snowball was a goat--she couldn't live in the house. The barn had collapsed under the snow--so there was no barn. Goats didn't belong in the hen house or the woodshed. So, Snowball slept and stayed in an abandoned car near where the old barn had stood, near a blackberry patch, which provided some snacks for Snowball, who, being a goat, liked bushes and leaves and didn't mind the briers.

Life was good, and Snowball grew. However, that winter there was a cold snap. Snow was on the ground. I went out to check on Snowball, and found her....dead. She was stiff, frozen in the cold.

I was grief-stricken, and felt very guilty, like I hadn't taken appropriate care of her.

Years later I realized that when an animal dies, it naturally gets stiff from rigor mortis, not necessarily from the cold or my negligence. So, I felt a little less guilty.

If my parents had thought the old car wasn't appropriate shelter, they would have told me about it; That they didn't meant that they were as blindsided by Snowball's death as I was. This was another reason to feel less guilty. However, none of those things were on my ten year old mind. I just felt I was responsible.

We buried Snowball on the edge of the field past the hen house. I erected a cross on the top of Snowball's grave

Let me summarize some of the impact that Snowball's death had on me and the things I learned from it.

1) I never wanted a pet after that because pets die and I didn't like the feeling.

2) I never wanted a pet again because I felt responsible for a pet, but couldn't control conditions and keep them safe.

3) Pets were about me--I didn't see that God gave them to accomplish something in me. Instead of asking "What did I learn from Snowball?" I just shut off the experience as much as possible.

4) I learn something about myself: I tend to take responsibility when it is not my responsibility. While I couldn't deny my part, I couldn't blame myself entirely for what happened. I was not alone--my parents played a part. Plus I can't control the weather.

5) Death is a part of life--accept it and go on